Wednesday, October 14, 2015

A normal day

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trails of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."
James 1:2-4

Why does life always feel so chaotic?
The alarm sounds at 5:50 am, which I have been meaning to set earlier, my tired body rolls over to notice Adam is already up and has started his day. I see him ironing in the bathroom, but the glare of the shining light is too much and I close my eyes again to try to adjust.
There was a time in our marriage when mornings were sacred, but with two little girls in pink pajamas sprawled out laying side ways across our white bed sheets, those days are long gone. Hopefully that we will revisit that time again soon. They won't be sleeping with us at 25, right? Right???
It's 6:45 and I hear Adam shuffling Yana out the door for zero period. She has 8 tardies and her "I no care" attitude is a hard way to start the morning. From her drop off he goes straight to work. I won't see him for at least 12 hours, but sometimes longer.  This morning I am lucky to get a "have a good day, I love you" to him before he shuts the front door.
At 7 am, I wake up Alex. He doesn't say a word to me. I tell him "good morning." As I make lunches, He pours a bowl of cheerios and I hand him some of the melon. He acknowledges me. I wonder what he is thinking as he sits and eats at our yellow table facing the back yard.
My thoughts are interrupted.
"Mommy!" I hear from upstairs, I begin the hunt for different socks because Elliot says the first ones I grabbed are bumpy in her shoes. I pull back packs out of the hall closet noticing her napping sheets were never washed. I stick them in the dryer with a bounty sheet for 20 minutes. I brush hair while two little girls are eating their cereal.
Everyone in the car by 7:42...go go go.
Time to drop off.
First Alex,"have a good day"  I say as he lightly shuts the door, I lean over the passenger seat as he walks away to slam it. He turns with a look like he did something wrong. I wink and wave, and get a small smile in return.
Then Elliot, it's time for preschool, this drop off is always my favorite. I get a 10 second hug from that one and an I love you too much before she breaks away from my embrace to chase her friends around the playground.
Finally Lily's turn.  I drop Lily off at school. The butterfly covered lunchbox that has her name embroidered on it, packed with cubed melon and tofu is held tightly in her left hand. The thought "I used to write her notes on her napkin" flows into my mind. I have to stop...don't focus on that.
'Remember this', I think to myself. She got out of the car and I see her smile back at me. She is wearing navy blue shorts today, the ones with an adjustable waste, and a shirt with fish and red trim. She has her hair in a low braid and she is missing four teeth all in the front. I would like to believe she has no pain or worry in the world, but I know that's not true. I can't protect her from the friend that makes fun of her lunch box or the sister that ignores her. But I can assure her that she has a mommy and daddy that love her too much and have since the day she was born.
8:45 and all is calm. I look around at my home...4 baskets of laundry piled onto the coach, dirty breakfast dishes in the sink with the remaining milk still sitting in them. Clean dishes in the dish washer waiting to be unloaded. 2 piles of tests I need to correct, adoption paper work that needs to be filed with the court and friends texting me to see what I am doing today.
Today would be a good day for a break down, no kids to see it. But I don't have time.
I'll just do the dishes, fold some laundry, grade some tests and smile because today is a day that I am alive. And I am loved. And I am blessed.
Today is a day that God has entrusted me with four lives. Broken lives.
Today is a day I am going to choose to smile because my family is under one roof. Because I have the most amazing friends and the most incredible village.
Today I am choosing to make the world better and to give my worries to God. Today I am choosing happiness, peace, grace and love.


  1. You're doing things bigger than you'll comprehend..... Not for decades. It's worth it.

  2. Keep choosing to stay positive and to stay the course! Ironically, the day you wrote this post, October 14th, is the day a member of my family took his own life. You've got the right attitude! Keep choosing to smile because there is always someone with greater struggles than you are facing so be grateful for the blessings you have. You are a great mom! Your kids need you. Your husband needs you. You need you. Add on work and household chores and it becomes overwhelming, but you are alive and you have people who love you and want you to succeed. All of that is a reason to smile!

  3. My daughter will say about things that are hard "…but we have to so let's just put on a smile and do it with a happy heart." I try to remember that. I sounds like you ARE remembering that!