Monday, December 22, 2014

Is tomorrow Christmas eve?

"Mommy, how many more days until Christmas?"
"Mommy, is tomorrow Christmas Eve?"
"Mommy you said 2 more days?"

Yesterday, two little girls were hiding behind the decorated christmas tree, slowly peeling back tape on the tissue paper wrapped gifts sent from Grandma in Ohio.

"What are you doing?" I suspiciously questioned from the back yard.
No answer...crickets!
Adam walks inside the house from weeding the hill outside.
"You guys don't need to be over there, we have to wait until Christmas."
Wait...Waiting. All this preparation, the build up, the excitement, just to WAIT!
"I'm Elliot!"

I remember being a child and wanting to unwrap every gift... oh the despair! Would Christmas ever come?

I also remember the feeling I had when I didn't wait. It was worse...

My mom was on a flight (she was a flight attendant) and my dad was at work. The babysitter preoccupied with my baby sister. I snuck into my parents room from the back yard. Quietly pulling open the rolling mirrored doors. Finding the power ranger toys in my parents closet, all 5 guys where there..I went through the clothes, the candy, there wasn't one thing I didn't uncover.
I have never told anyone this and as I sit here and write, I feel like such a stinker.

I thought it was so much fun, but then hearing something in the hall way, I shoved everything back in the closet and ran outside to pretend like I was swinging on the swings the entire time.

Christmas came that year, and there wasn't one thing in the stocking or under the tree that was special, that was new or exciting. I took away the the marvel, the wonder, the anticipation of the day. I robbed my parents of the expression on my face when I saw the gifts for the first time. I robbed myself of believing.

Things are better when you wait. When you can share the experience with people that truly love you. To be in the timing God wants, not rushed or pushed, but the right time.
 So lately, "waiting" has been everywhere in my life. Obviously with the Christmas season, but also with the adoption process.
I am trying to wrap my head around how to wait faithfully when there are no signs of encouragement. Only the pressure to push forward from myself, and my friends chatter in my ear to go go go. The question of "when..."

We hadn't received some important papers from our agency and after emailing them 3 times this month we still had not received them.  It was heart wrenching. I asked Adam to get involved and write an email.
(I have really tried to take the reins during this adoption process, since I am only working part-time this year and Adam is in a new position. I basically come to him with stacks of paper and say sign here, and kinda let him know where we are at.) 

So we have basically been at a stand still, so Adam wrote an email asking whats going on and our agency had informed us they will get it done today and send it out, that was Monday. By Friday we still had not received it (or so I thought). This time Adam wrote another email that was not as kind as the first.

Adam is a gracious, kind, warm man, I am the brat in the relationship and it is so obvious that he wrote it because I was loosing faith and couldn't understand why we were still waiting.
 Basically not living by his grace but by my own timing.

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your path."
Proverbs 3:5-6

After the email was sent, I had a feeling to check the mail again, so I did. In the long mail slot pushed to the way back of our community mail box was a key that said #2. Oh Cr**! I thought...I suck.

I opened the larger mail box and the large orange envelope was sitting there with instructions on what to do next with 5 copies of the pack of papers I needed to move on.

It's official now and all paperwork with a 720 dollar check and 180 dollar check have been sent, or should I say "rushed" to Texas.

And now I wait! We wait! Alex and Yana wait! 
But this time, I got the message God, I will FAITHFULLY wait.
Yesterday, a guest pastor at our church said something and it made me laugh.

On Thanksgiving day, you smell the turkey cooking in the oven and you just want to pull it out and start the good eatin'...but you know what happens if you don't wait for the turkey to be done???

Salmonella. You are sick with salmonella.
I don't want a life of salmonella. If I rush and push for my timing, than that is what this process will end up being.
A long life of salmonella. Not fun.

"The Lord is good to those who wait for him, to the soul who seeks him."
Lamentations 3:25

Thank you God for knowing the path in my life, thank you God for helping me recognize how to minimize the salmonella. Teaching me to wait for you. Trusting in your perfect timing.

I am learning to marvel in His amazing wonder, to faithfully wait and love Him. Everything will fall into place.
So no more peeking for me, but how do explain this to Lily and Elliot.

I'm not sure my 3 and 5 year old are going to have the peace of trusting in God's timing, and waiting until Christmas morning.

Merry Christmas!
Lots of Love,

"But for me, I will look to the Lord; I will wait for the God of my salvation; my God will hear me."
Micah 7:7

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