I went to Adam.
"Hey Ad, you want to help me write a bio for Yana and Alex? Winter hosting is on and if we aren't going to adopt them, they need to find a family that will."
"We're not going to adopt them?"
"You tell me..."
This entire summer, we were hot then cold...in then out...
One of us wanted to adopt the other did not and we took turns. The emotions were flying and every conversation ended in us having so much fear.
We knew that by some miracle if they stayed we weren't kicking them out. But to travel across oceans, to a county in the middle of a war with two small children at home seemed ludicrous.
The fear, the what ifs, the we can't...didn't just creep in...it rushed in and set up camp in our hearts.
- Adam has a new job and he can't really take off work.
- Who will watch Lily and Elliot if we go?
- The MONEY! Oh my goodness the money.
- The time that Alex and Yana will take away from Lily and Elliot.
- The different opinions from others is always a hard thing to accept.
Yes the reasons above are valid.
I am always the emotional one in our household, I lead with my heart. The idea that 2 children are living in an institution getting barely 2 meals a day. That they have no where to go in 2 years when they age out. That they have next to no life skills (only the few that were taught here) terrifies me the most.
Adam is much more level headed, always has been. Calm, stable, reliable...that's my Adam and he puts up with all my crazy. But he is a man of God and understands that we have a purpose in this life. He is always salt and light. Love that man.
My God provides, He always has. I have said it before, my life is easy, but it is when things get uncomfortable that I have to rely on the Lord, to put all our trust in him. I know that He has a will for my life, and as tremendously terrifying as it is, I am giving him the control and I am following His will.
I asked Adam if he could see them with another family at Christmas?
"No, they belong with us."
I invite you all to be a part of our journey from turning our 4 to 6. We will be doing soooo many fundraisers from raffling off two iPad mini's to shoe drives (please start gathering all your old shoes, your neighbors shoes and your sisters co-workers shoes), as well as a garage sale on October 11 in our neighborhood.
We would love and are blessed by all the prayers and donations.
There will be much more to come about the whole process including the travels, paperwork and fundraisers... stay tuned.
And thank you!